伟光正勇者是个演技派 作者:佚名
    第10章 到访的帝国信使
    前世赫洛混跡太多次高档场合，此时面对眼前经典形象的官僚，自己竟分不清对方是傻子还是人精。
    秉承著做多就是错多的原则，他决定待信使行事后再顺势而为。
    惊恐的老霍恩不顾吱呀作响的骨头，忙不叠地从幕后衝上台踉蹌行礼。
    那信使却直接无视了老头，顶著大肚子负手渡步，一番酝酿后，他清了清嗓子，將肥厚的双下巴对著人群：“各位尘芯村的村民，请容许吾自我介绍一下。”
    “吾乃忠诚的元素之神信徒、尊贵的教会信使、光明隨身伴行的引路人、百姓爱戴的父母官、菲利斯坦家族的荣光——圣·布兰登·亚黎西斯·菲利斯坦公爵！”
    “遥想千年歷史的凯珂亚帝国，回望艰苦而辉煌的岁月，吾之家族……”
    接下来的十几分钟，这位公爵將他镀金的政绩和显赫的家族成就重头梳理，如同一叠厚重的废纸砸得眾人头晕目眩。他还会故意停顿，等待村民配合的掌声。
    村民们被折磨得昏昏沉沉，却又不敢表露不满，只能如同机械般在关键处鼓掌“工作”。
    赫洛长跪不起，嘴角微微抽搐。眼前的信使远比他想像的昏庸无能。
    直到將村民们耐心耗尽，信使才意犹未尽地结束了自我吹嘘，谈及正事。
    “咳！”他再次清了清嗓子，“吾放下身段来此穷乡僻壤，就是为了传达教皇的神諭，指引勇者前往帝都，以应对帝国极西新发现的恶魔城！”
    他的目光如同施捨赏给了赫洛，“好在吾慧眼识珠，远在天边就发现了蒙尘珍宝。”
    他终於將赫洛扶起，“我已经听说了，这位新晋勇者，不仅直接得到了女神的恩赐，还时刻不忘宣扬教皇倡导的『爱与救赎』伟大思想，简直就是我们每个人学习的榜样。”
    这番冠冕堂皇的话虽然滑稽，但也意外担保了“神选勇者”的事实。
    赫洛心中讥笑，面上却受宠若惊：“能得圣·布兰登·亚黎西斯·菲利斯坦公爵大人赏识，是在下的无上荣耀。”
    圣·布兰登十分满意，赫洛很会捧场，记住了他的大名。
    他从怀中取出一条用金银丝线交错缝绣的洁白丝绸飘带，“此乃教会认证的授勋荣誉，佩戴它行走於每一寸王土，人人皆需遵守礼节，献上敬意。”
    接著，他又打开封裹的丝绸，拿出印著华丽蜡封的信件，“此乃前往帝都总教会报到的文书。持此文凭，方可参与教会安排的勇者试炼与评定，务必妥善保管。”
    赫洛双手恭敬地接过飘带和文书，其中蕴含的复杂魔法公式触手可知。
    交付完正事，信使还想在台上发表一番感悟，作为自己的退场仪式。
    村长霍恩审时度势，堆满諂媚的笑容，凑到其耳边低声私语。
    只见信使还故作矜持地皱了皱眉，隨即双手在空中隱晦地捏了捏，又舔了舔他那噁心的厚嘴唇。
    霍恩村长心领神会，低声下气连连点头。
    信使还没满足，他瞪著赫洛，挑了挑眉，又搓了搓食指。
    “？”
    “哎呀，他一个小孩哪懂这些……”老霍恩赶紧护在二人中间，把一个更小的信封夹在旅店的菜单里，塞给信使。
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    “圣·布兰登大人，您为了吾等日夜兼程，在下已为您安排好住处，当然，待遇会符合教会的规定。”
    他这才露出满意的笑容，“这才对，我可不是奢靡之人。”
    “霍恩村长，你很上道。不像別村的村长，呆板又粗俗。”
    他抚过满腹油水的肚子，“不过別得意。接下来我会好好评估贵村的接待礼节。”
    村长点头哈腰，卑躬屈膝地引领信使走下台。
    台下村民们见信使终於离场，压抑的气氛一扫而空，真心实意地热烈欢呼：
    “赫洛勇者要被教皇召见了！”
    “赫洛是真正的『神选勇者』！”
    赫洛的声望在人声鼎沸中达到了新的顶峰。
    老霍恩还没卸下应付上司的疲惫，就匆匆返回了舞台。
    他郑重地拍了怕衣领，接过了扩音话筒，显然是想就著气氛趁热打铁，好好彰显一下自己培养赫洛的功劳，吹嘘自己的为官成绩。
    然而，在经歷过赫洛的精彩演讲和信使又臭又长的吹嘘，村民们早已飢肠轆轆，耐心耗尽。
    既然赫洛已经受勛完毕，信使也下台休憩，人群於是纷纷逃离了老村长的陈词滥调，涌向后方摆满美食的长桌，顷刻间座无虚席。
    “今晚我要炫五只宫廷烤鸡，喝葡萄酒喝到反胃！”
    “听说还有用魔法奶酪製成莓果派？正好提升我的灵力。”
    淒凉的晚风吹过，捲起几片孤零零的落叶，落在呆立原地的村长脚边。
    他拿著喇叭，大张著嘴，场面极其尷尬。
    见村长面如死灰，赫洛赶忙扮演体贴的侍从，温和地拿下村长手中的喇叭，安慰道：
    “村长，大家只是太饿了。您为村庄辛苦了这么多年，大家都记在心里。他们没有顾及您的面子，这反而说明您平时与民同乐、没有担子啊。”
    老村长脸上青白交错，尷尬地笑了笑：“是啊是啊……大家能开心，我一把老骨头也能心满意足……”
    他又压低声音，语重心长，“赫洛，以后老头我不在了，你得学著圆滑点，別被帝都那群贪得无厌的东西害了……”
    赫洛笑容和善，俯身搀扶著自言自语的村长，一边夸耀著村长的付出一边送他离开，情绪价值拉满。
    老狐狸虽然精，但至少还会为不懂人情世故的后辈化解困境。
    而那个位高权重的傻子，將来或许能作为自己渗透帝国高层的棋子。
    赫洛心中所思稍定，隨后也融入了庆功宴的喜悦中。
    村民见到主角回归，立马热情地將赫洛层层包围。
    此刻无论是地位显赫的家族话事人，还是平庸淳朴的农民，都有资格与他推杯换盏。
    孩子们围著他想討要勇者亲手赠送的果，都被大人们用承诺的礼物打发走了。
    今晚的欢愉持续到深夜才稍微平息。赫洛被不断劝酒，直到脸上掛著装出的疲惫，才成功婉拒了后续的酒局。
    无论哪个世界都有酒桌文化，即使身为勇者也得给长辈敬酒。好在他习惯了应酬，懂得如何体面地脱身。
    他疲惫地走在回旅馆的路上，一道黑影截下了他。
    “阿泰？”